My winter break ended Saturday when my parents and little sister drove me almost 3 hours to my college (they don’t make me take a train, and I’m very grateful for that). Though I’m excited about my class schedule this semester because I don’t have calculus, have two biology classes, and have better class times, I was a little depressed to be back. I have spent the past precious month with my family and two closest friends, and I didn’t want to let go. It actually made me reconsider my decision to enroll at a college so far away rather than, say, a community college.
Today I felt a lot better; these feelings mostly arose because I feel lonely here sometimes. This semester is dedicated to finding true friends, which will probably include some awkward situations when I begin to drift away from my current “friends”, but in the long run it will be worth it. Honestly, the only thing I don’t like about my college, other than being a fair distance from my hometown, is trying to find people I fit in with.
It’s not that I don’t enjoy myself with my current friend group, and sometimes I even feel like I’m really a part of the group. But too many times I fall silent because I have no interest in the conversation. Worse, I feel distance from the group, mostly due to slight-but-not-so-slight differences in lifestyle: aka. , drinking or not. I don’t mind if my friends drink, I just feel out of place when they get excited about getting drunk. It’s just not my thing, you know?
After breakfast I got to spend some time chilling in my room, doing some reading for a class on Tuesday among other, less productive actions. Other than a trip to Walmart to get some items I forgot and showering, my biggest accomplishment of the day was texting one of my sort-of friends from last semester. She actually moved out of my building, which made me sad because I thought we could be good friends, but she actually invited me to hang out with her at her new dorm whenever.
She even suggested I go to fencing practice, even though I don’t want to join. Apparently other kids just go, chill and play games? I was interested until I looked up the games she listed were all fantasy board games, which I’m not really a fan of.
Tomorrow classes start, and I’m really excited to begin my classes. I have a really good feeling about this semester, even now as I struggle internally about my personal social issues. I am confidant I will find my people.